Looking back, looking forward

As I write this I'm sitting in the Sydney airport (on very dodgy internet that I'm somehow picking up from someone for free), waiting for my plane to take me back to the States. Weird feeling. 

In the last few weeks or so, as I've been anticipating heading home for a while, I've been reflecting a lot on the year: what I've done, what God's taught me, how I've changed. To be honest, it's quite overwhelming but also exciting. If I look at where I was when I left Minnesota almost a year ago, I can definitely say God has done a LOT. I think that'll become more and more apparent as I am back in my "normal" culture for a while. 

I've realized that a lot of times, when I update on here

, I focus more on the practical stuff that I'm doing, so this time I thought I'd share a little bit of the things that I've learned and the ways that I've changed. I can definitely see that this season of my life is all about growing and God equipping me for the future, so it's exciting to see how he's doing that!

One huge area has been me getting used to the concept of growing up and being an adult. Being the oldest of 5, I've always had a strong sense of responsibili

ty, but the fact that I'm growing up still scares me sometimes and I find myself freaking out a lot when I have to commit to things and when I realize that life will only become more responsibility. God's working on me in this area, though, and I'm much more ready to make decisions that will affect a good chunk of my life now than I was at the beginning of the year. Growing up is scary, but it's good. I'm really grateful that God's placed me in YWAM and in Adelaide, because the

 people there have really become a second family to me and helped in the growing-up process. 

I've also taken big strides when it comes to friendships, communication, relationships in general, my self-esteem.  Why is being who God made you so hard sometimes? Why do we so often try to be like other people, tell God that he made a mistake, wear masks? 

Insecurity has been a stronghold in my life for too long, and God's really been working on me hard-core in that area. I'm learning to be ok with only what God says about me, not what everyone else says (or what I think they think about me). I'm learning to believe God when he tells me who I am. Sounds simple. Is simple. Is also hard. 

At the same time.... wow, it's nice to be myself. God just continues to free me from so many mindsets and beliefs that were such a part of who I was, but were so wrong. The exciting part is, I know so many girls and women struggle with the same insecurities that I have struggled

 with, and I know that as God heals me he gives me the authority to speak into other peoples lives and help them. yay! 

Looking back on the year, I'm so grateful for where God's brought me

. I know that I have so far to go, but I also know that the reason he's growing me and teaching me and blessing me is because he wants me to impart those things to other people. He's been revealing more of what my calling is, which is exciting, but also makes me very aware of the fact that I have a long way to go. I'm really grateful that I've had this time to grow and learn - not just in general, but in the exact areas that God wants me to grow in. He knows the future (SO comforting), and knows what I need and when I need it. Pretty cool. 

On the tangible side of what I've been doing: the last month was pretty crazy. A bunch of us went to Melbourne for the National Leaders Meeting, which was good. I did some good networking with people regarding Youth Street, so it was a productive time. The week after that, we had a fund-raising dinner for the base and that went fairly well. I helped decorate and serve on the day and random other things, as usual. We had a pretty good turn out and raised some good funds (so therefore were successful ;) ). We also had 

all the different ministries share about what they do and where God's directing them. That was a good opportunity for people to hear about what's going on in the world of YWAMSA and what God's doing through us. Last weekend, most of us volunteered at the Schoolies Festival, which is a 3-day party for all the graduating high school students. We picked up lots of rubbish, manned road blocks, helped drunk kids, and had quite a few good conversations with 18 year olds who needed a friend or a shoulder or a kick in the pants. Usually the first two. We also didn't get much sleep, but that's all part of the fun. 

A few fun things of note: a few of us went cliff jumping in a gorge about an hour away a couple weeks ago. We had some good fun and no one got hurt so it was a good trip (besides having a bit of trouble finding the place). (Pics are on the pics link). The highest point we jumped from was probably about 8 or 9 meters up. I also celebrated my birthday several times - one being with the party-in-a-box that my mom sent me (thanks, Mom!). I'm officially 21, which apparently means I have to act mature and behave and stuff.... bummer :). I'm also continuing to really enjoy and appreciate the people that God's blessed me with - which is good, because we all live together and it would be a bummer if I didn't like them (thanks, God!). 

Well, this has gotten long. Thanks to those of you who have made it this far. 

I'll be in the States in a few hours, and in Minnesota in a few days. I'm looking forward to seeing all of you! I hope that I can see everyone I'd like to - I know that 4 weeks will go quick, but please give me a call or send me an email, I'd love to catch up. I'm around till Christmas. 

God's blessings to each of you, thanks so much for your support. I'll be trying to send out a newsletter covering the whole year, with pictures and other info. I'll try to get that to everyone!

Cheers!

Caitlin